*****ℕ𝕆 𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ, 𝕚𝕟 𝕗𝕒𝕔𝕥 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕟 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤..

*****ℕ𝕆 𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ, 𝕚𝕟 𝕗𝕒𝕔𝕥 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕟 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕓𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕠𝕟𝕖 🤷🏽‍♀️ Haven't been on a date or even asked or since I was 21 and had a boyfriend... although that's a hilarious situation***** --- 💔 Nope, not joking. I liked to run faster, play harder than all the others. Well... boys liked a girl who played hard to get... but not impossible 😅😅😅. So they'd always play with me and I was the literal DUFF... then they'd ask out my friends or cousins or sister... all girls who preferred that shit we were trained was womanly such as sewing, singing, cooking, cleaning, and making a man feel like a man... not me! 😅😅😅 I wanted and want a man who already knows how to be a man without a woman having to be this old idea. I want a man who is man enough that I can fall into my own femininity... whatever that looks like for me. I like getting my nails done... and I think I'd like to be cuddled, pampered, kissed... but haven't had it yet... so.... yeah... 💔 I went on ONE date when I was 7tween. With a guy who was the epitome of what we know as Peter priesthood... meaning goody tooshoos. The date was awkward AF, he fixed the hug at the end, and asked my sister or the next day. 🤷🏽‍♀️ he told her he only asked me out to get on her good side, but I'm just a pal and he doesn't like "moles" 😅🤷🏽‍♀️ she said no. 💔 Through the rest of my tw33n years, I was asked or by a few... all who were in on a joke/bet to see who could get me to say yes AND get me to 2nd base... I'm embarrassed to say I still don't even know what constitutes the bases 🤷🏽‍♀️😅 💔 I was then set up on a blind date with a "stand up" guy in the church... I didn't like him from the start. To paint a picture: he was not well kept, had longer fingernails than me, prettier hands than me (women understand), wore more jewelry than most women, dressed in normal clothes but always wore a biker vest... not a biker... tiny teeth, bad breath... he never spoke a lot in person, never called me beautiful or anything in person... and just got out of a divorce. I didn't want to to on a 2nd date or 3rd... let alone date him steady-ish for 2 months. But everyone I trusted told me it's normal to not be attracted to him at first, too not like kissing at first, etc. That I was too shallow and he was accepting me for me at the "size" I was, so I shouldn't be picky... so I kept it up until I just couldn't anymore. I just told myself that I'd the kind of guy I wanted wasn't out there, I'd prefer to be single and lonely than with a man still pining over his ex, not even calling me things like beautiful unless it's via text. But literally... he'd spoon-cuddle his mother, even while holding my hand (this was my last ick straw). He never cuddled me! Lol not that I'm complaining... so, I ended it. 💔 I haven't been asked out since or set up... although my bff would love it if I got online... lol I'm now one of those millenials who stay inside and expect one of my book boyfriends to break down my door and wisk me away 😅😅😅 💔 I've never cuddled, never been looked at in my eyes and told that I'm pretty or anything... 💔 Here's the thing: I want to be wanted, I want to be craved and "owned" in a not toxic way 😅 I don't want to just be a fetish, I don't want to be what someone settled for, and I definitely don't want to be second to his mother...