I'm a writer. This is something I recently "penned." Love or..

I'm a writer. This is something I recently "penned."
Love or Fear...and Sabotaging.
After much observation and conversing with others, I've come to the generalized conclusion that people in my age group are more afraid that a relationship WILL work than WON'T.

At our age, we've worked hard for what we have. Property. Retirement benefits. Stuff. Everyone has stuff and God forbid a relationship works out...because that means CHANGE. And that, we are *not ok* with. Change is scary. It means upending everything, it means expectations, what-ifs.
It means overthinking. Phase one of self-sabotage..........commencing.

So, we sabotage our connections to ensure that they absolutely won't work, and we cling to our material comforts...our houses, our cars, our 401Ks, our careers, our toys, our routines, our habits, our vices - and that way, nothing gets displaced. Most of all, *we* don't get displaced. We stay safe. And we stay alone under the illusion of controlling our lives.
And we wonder what the fuck happened and if it's us. No. It must be them. Isn't it?

We are all trapped between our parents and kids. Something is always going to go wrong. That will never end until the parents die and the kids grow up. But these issues are used to drive a wedge, abandon, jump ship because...fear.
When we were in our twenties, we had nothing to lose. We moved across the country, we took that insanely cool job that probably wouldn't work out BUT DID, we met that person and were all in, we leaped without a net. Now? We have shit...and shit holds us back and down.
Fear is the killer of all dreams.

We're afraid to lose control, we're afraid of change, so we cling to our material comforts...thus perpetuating the very self-fulfilling prophecy we're afraid of. We will be alone.
And we move on to the next person, full of hopes and dreams...and fear and sabotage.
And we don't get fulfilled. And we don't understand. And we don't learn.
By the way, this is also why we stay with someone we don't really respect, like, or love anymore. Or worse, they have no respect or love for us. Same thing. Fear. Being afraid to lose shit. Hating change.
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but you can be *with* someone and still be very much alone. It's actually worse that way.

There are also the people who *say* they reallllllly want someone with their shit together - but they don't. When they m@et someone who is independent and can adult, they somehow don't feel manly (guys) or desired (women). (This is some messed-up personality stuff going on that has nothing to do with you and has likely been a repeated life pattern forever. It's them.) They want to be The Fixer. To feel needed. They have The Saviour/Broken Bird complex and unless someone is going up in flames from red flags, they just aren't all that interested. And then, it's always "them." How do I know this? I am bipolar and used to be unmedicated. When I was off my meds, every guy was lined up to "save me." I was *always* in a stable relationship...and I was incredibly UNSTABLE. Once I got stabilized and became independent, men got really fucking weird about it. And I basically look the same as I did ages ago. But that's a whole 'nother blog.

Do you want proof that I'm correct about being afraid relationships *will* work? Look at how deeply connected you are with your close friends. We don't sabotage those true connections because we don't fear they will turn our lives inside out. Friendships = no expectations.

Do we really want a relationship? Or do we just want our needs met? There is a difference.
If you love things and use people, you'll end up with nothing but things instead of having people.

We're spiritual beings having a human experience. You get ONE SHOT at this. So many of us need to live instead of merely existing.

The opposite of love isn't hate. It's fear.