I always tell you that it is important to remain calm, to co..
Added 2022-08-17 19:20:18 +0000 UTCI always tell you that it is important to remain calm, to contemplate, to seek peace within. When I say this to you, I say it to myself. But why isn't it working now?
I cannot convey to you the level of my irritability, despair, sadness and fatigue.
I so want to share with you something good, beautiful, invigorating, but I just can't.
Coming here, to my hometown, is like a swamp for me, which draws me in. This place is like an anchor for me. Anchor of my emotions, my past life, it seems to be the quintessence of all my pain here. and every time I come back here, even when I'm in a good mood and strong, I just fadding. I'm fading like the stars you see in the sky. I go out like a light bulb in your room when you press the switch.
It's like as soon as I cross the border of this country I go through a portal and enter an emotionally difficult world for me. As if my wounds, which have healed, are being poked with a sharp instrument, reminding me of the worst times.
I don't feel so bad anywhere. But it’s my house… I have lived here all my life, here are my relatives, here is my childhood and my memories. But like Voldemort I want to destroy this Horcrux, otherwise I just die every minute.
There is no explanation for this. I just feel bad. I am a stranger here in my hometown where I grew up.
Today I continued to fight the bureaucracy and again tried to get a driver's license. But I ran into new problems because of my entry in the psychiatric dispensary's database. For now, I don't want to talk about it and go through it again, but I'm not doing very well. Maybe later I'll tell you what happened. But I decided to keep fighting no matter what the cost. I'll take my driver's license.
I know I'm a warrior! Life does not give those tests that we cannot pass!
I wanted to post a beautiful video, but the damn Internet not allows me to upload it! In the next post I will show you 🍒super hot video
