Added 2024-08-06 17:52:35 +0000 UTC
07/07/2024, 1:52 AM — Wednesday sry ive been MIA. I luv going MIA jk. idk i feel like my ego has died and lately, i havent been thinking much abt my looks and "sexiness". i do feel attractive at times but i no longer feel the need to share it every time. ive been doing good just on my own, tho sex is still one of my biggest outlets, so I do have the tendency to feel touch deprived. on the other hand, ive been abstaining cuz i cant rly people anymore,, <.> on my mother's side, hyperthyroidism runs in the blood, and I suspect I have it, so I got a doctor's request for it. I also recently found out I have PCOS so I do need to go back on the pill despite not being so active sexually (but finger-lly xd). i knew the time would come when id have to take my piercings off because it's not acceptable in the industry im trying to get into and it's not modeling or acting or whatever. I rly hate how Ive made people think Im trying to be "this" or "that" but rly, I just love doing things, and sometimes sharing them. i dont wanna disclose so much yet bc im afraid of jinxing it. i dont rly believe in that but im so afraid of failing, and I know it's not an option. lots going on. lots on my mind. on top of that, i have a poser, and i need to keep making money so I can keep doing the things I love and provide for those I love (i fucking hate the power of money). dont rly wanna do fansly anymore. i feel like im supposed to be someone im rly not, but I've come to realise, it's like that everywhere. i just wanna be invisible or some sort of BTS person with a BTS job. maybe things have changed. maybe i did.
