My Biggest InsecurityI was brushing my teeth last night and ..

My Biggest Insecurity

I was brushing my teeth last night and I SWORE I saw something different. I couldn't place what it was, but being so paranoid about my teeth in general, I did a virtual consult with an orthodontist.

I was told that the results would need to be verified with an in-office appointment + X-rays, but overall, I have an overbite and some moderate crowding with my teeth. I'm likely to need invisalign for the next 12 months. Upper and lower.

This makes me very sad and is honestly a bit triggering for me. I grew up with horribly crooked teeth and it resulted in my entire face being uneven. I was always asked if I was beaten or if something bad happened to me and that's why my face is "fucked up." I'd talk with a lisp and most of the time I smiled with my mouth closed. Ocassionally, I'd forget to and I'd see people notice my teeth and a flash of disgust would appear on their faces. I could always tell that they were biting back a flood of questions.

So, after I got into porn I saved up enough money to buy braces upright. It was my first major purchase in this line of work. Even before getting a car! I remember taking the cash in an envelope, riding the bus into a nearby city and buying them right there at the counter. I spent 4 years in a lot of pain and feeling a bit pushed into the "step sis, braces" niche. Once they were off, I was told I'd need to wear a retainer every night, but that I'll be totally fine for the rest of my life.

So, this news about my jaw wanting to move back into its old position is so discouraging for me. I find myself wanting to cry over it. I'm so fortunate to have caught this when I did, because if I didn't, I'd end up needing braces again. With how early I noticed it, I can wear something invisible and it'll be off in a year. I can't help but wonder if this is something that I'll need to be on top of for the rest of my life. Will I need 12 months of invisalign every 5 years just to keep my jaw where it's supposed to be? It's entirely possible...

So, although I'm very happy to not need braces again, I'm also very sad to need any treatment at all. 12 months with invisalign (upper and lower) runs the same price as my braces did 5 years ago. My teeth/jaw is my biggest insecurity and I've worked tirelessly to get my face the way it always SHOULD have been, without surgeries or dentures. I guess sometimes, you can do everything right and it still doesn't work out the way it does for others.