LIFE UPDATE : MY CLOSURE JOURNEY----------------------------..

LIFE UPDATE : MY CLOSURE JOURNEY
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I have been gone for a couple days! And I had a good reason for that.
Before I share the story, please respect the privacy of C. Don't bother her at all. I will only share what I feel comfortable with, keeping her Privacy in mind. I cannot share the exact details.

About 4 days ago, I received a message on Whatsapp from C. She wasn't doing great. I'll spare the details. But it showed me that I wasn't the only one suffering from the breakup. I wanted to help her, get her back on her feet. She is an amazing person, and I want her to be happy. My selfish feelings are not as important as her happyness.

So to cheer her up, I came up with a little plan.
I told her I'm going to send her a gift and some old items that she left here.
But instead, I booked a trip to her home, to surprise her!
I spend +- 15 hours traveling. The eurostar to london, and a taxi there to her place for the price of more than 1000 euro(!!!). I was in the cab, by myself, very nervous. I took a gamble. I obviously didn't want to bother her. But Judging by her text, I think this could help her. I bought her favorite gifts, and had some plans for the 2 days. I was going to stay in a hotel nearby.

I changed into my BEST dress, did my make up as good as I could. And eventually, I arrived at her place.

She opened the door in shock. But right away, I could see in her eyes that, she wasn't excited. She was confused. But she gave me a very long hug. It gave me some hope, that I did the right thing.

There are some private things I am skipping of course.

I could see signs, that she wasn't over the moon of me being there, but then other signs showed a different side. She took my heavy backpack and carried it for example. I didn't know what to think. But we went to my hotelroom.

It was a beautifull room. Very long curtains and much space. I gave her some gifts and we played her favorite game. During the game, I could see her smile again.

But when we started to talk, she made it very very clear to me that she had no feelings whatsoever. I guess i miss judged it. She was having a very bad time herself from the breakup and she didn't remove any of our photos together. I wanted to do the most romantic thing ever, travel so far away from home, just to spend a day with her. To cheer her up.

My heart sank.
But I stayed strong.
After all, my main goal was to cheer her up.

I told her that it is okay, and that she can choose any fun activity to do with me.
She told me that I could choose myself, I could see in her eyes that she didn't want to spend time with me.

I told her, I want you to want this. If you don't want this, you can go home. I will respect your privacy and this will never never happen again.

Do you want to go home?

She nodded yes.

I gave her one last big hug and started crying.

And I closed the door behind her.

But...
Surprisingly.
After an hour of 2 of crying, I felt really good.
I called my friend rachael belle to tell the story to her.
She felt sorry, but she called it ''my closure journey''.
And I guess that is a great way to look at it.
It was my closure journey.
I got closure and I got a lot of answers to questions I still had.
I don't need to hope or wait or wonder about things anymore.

Our relationship got closure, in a very beautifull room. Its abit like a pretty funural haha.

The trip back was increadible difficult and hectic.
I spend another 15 hours of traveling, but this time on trains and subways and a mix of taxis.

I got home happy, relaxed, and content.
I had to do this.
When I start a relationship, I go to the very maximum for us.
And I am proud that I did what I could to save the relationship.

I closed that chapter and I can move on now.
I can date, without feeling guilty.

That is all I want to share about this little journey.
Please do not bother her. Don't mention my name to her as she is still healing too. Just leave it be, let it rest and let it be.

So yeah! :)

That is what happend.
I am back home now.
I slept well, I ate well, I look forward to the next chapter of my life.
This one is closed.

❤️
Joyce