Part 8 I knew in my heart it would end eventually. It was j..

Part 8 I knew in my heart it would end eventually. It was just a matter of time... I tried to date, I hooked up with this guy... he wore glasses. If I got intoxicated enough and squinted - I could pretend it was him pushing me back over a kitchen bench and eating me put like a last supper. The dude ate like shit and I felt bad for him, I thought back to us and one of the many things you said that ripples right through me - ‘I bet you taste amazing’. I don’t mean to brag – but fuck yes, I do and here I was with this simple cunt who couldn’t flick the pip out of a ripe peach if he had a fucking spoon. I was already there so fuck it, perhaps I could cum with a right smashing. We took it to his room and guys; I do not mean to be rude but without a vibe - either a mental one or battery operated – I'm not getting there but I give it a red hot go on the odd occasion. Sometimes I get lucky. I went down on him - I like to return to favour. His dick was ok, not too large, had some features I was not used too plus he didn’t make me cum so no super Sian for this guy. I cupped his balls and broke through the gag reflex to ch0ke on him... spit ran down my chin as I gushed for air. ‘Good girl’ he would hum. He bent me over and came in a couple minutes. My hand and arm reached under the pillow to get comfortable, sleep the alcohol off and get on home... My fingers fell onto something foreign, so I grabbed it and pulled it out. A bra... the light was on, and I scanned his room. His sheets were dirty – sex dirty and it was not our sex. It had turned white already... this cunt either has a Mrs – or is seeing someone. I asked him directly – Is there anyone who would be upset if they knew I was here... He looked down and said probably. Mother fucker. FOR FUCKS SAKE. A couple of days passed; I was tired all the time. Emotionally exhausted but a family event had me heading to my sisters a few hours away. Excellent way to redirect my attention. Of course, the suit continued to flood my mind day and night, but I would not let it consume me. I understood that he was just trying to take care of himself and his family, he was doing whats right. Late, but its better late than never yeah? At the time I thought I was doing well. Noone knew so I didn’t make my emotions officially known - I kept that shits lid on tighter then knox. How do you tell people you fell in love without someone elses man and now your sad that he hasn’t altered his entire life to explore a bullshit feeling that MAY not even exist. You don’t. I started drinking more, I started lapsing more and before long – it was Christmas. I don’t really have fam to do the big stuff with... I was working at a pretty elegant hotel at the time so I organized a 2 night stay in an upstairs apartment. I set up our Christmas Tree, worked the restaurant and we spent Chrismas Eve just the 2 of us in a big fancy bed... Morning came - It was my weakest moment and I knew I should have never reached out. ‘I miss you.’ I said. ‘I miss you too.’ he replied.