I laid there on dirty sheets... my house trashed with no rec..

I laid there on dirty sheets... my house trashed with no recollection of how it got that way. I peer over to where the light shines through my Venetian blinds, I smell the familiar scent of regurgitated bodily fluid and I realise I'm surrounded by my own filth... Shes dead. His gone... His last words echoed through my mind... 'This is your fault, stay the fuck away from me'. The events from the night before flooded me, this can't be. I look over to find my phone, its missing. I frantically search my house seeking news... I find it next to am empty box of wine I bought on sale at Dan Murphy's and half a container of eaten jelly. Its dead, wet and won't take charge. Good. It's barely a week old... I drop the phone into rice and wait for the Asians... half an hour later and the phone begins to charge. I turn my phone on and a there is a message from him... Suppose noone told ya but I'm only just getting over that she hasn't died ... it was a me being in a bad moment when somebody asked if she had died. So it was another me moment that cookes everyone I think cause of other shit goin on.. I stared at my phone with shock... what does this mean? Is she OK... what is going on? Is she fucking dead or not?! I could barely believe the words I was thinking... I wrote back, I do not understand. Shes not dead. My head flipped a switch from loss to what? Fucking WHAT... immediate relief rushed over me, shes ok. For now, she was ok and had a fighting chance. My attention drew back to myself, I was covered in my own sick and smelled like stale alcohol... my teeth furry and the beating of my heart hummed in my brain... I turned on the shower and stepped in to wash away my sins. This cooked cunt ... left me desperate to reconcile for a week, accused me of being responsible for this chick's over dose, blamed me for the death which wasn't even real and left me there thinking I could have done something to prevent it... Its not his fault, he thought it was real too... I messaged him to make up for the mistake - make me cum you daft cunt... I didn't say that however, I asked to go see him - he knew what I wanted. I dont have time to catch up right now, he replied as he turned to his pipe... I thought of him every time I came that day.